In my wanderings around the wib this evening, I noticed a recurring theme: the wiblog standards officer has been visiting various people and requesting, nay demanding, that their blogging reflect more accurately the title of their blog.
I’m still quite new, so I reckon that gives me a bit of breathing space. Perhaps s/he is teetering on the brink of demanding more cabbage. Who knows? (Aside – this is meshing rather nicely with the mention of school dinners earlier this week.) So, with tongue firmly in cheek, I present the following recipe for you to try.
Cabbages and Kings
You will need:
Five pictures or models of Kings of your choice, ready to be placed at suitable points around your kitchen. I suggest you laminate them to avoid distressing occurences.
Three pictures of palaces or royal residences. Ditto with the laminating thing.
(For both the above, post-it notes will suffice if needed)
Half a red cabbage
2-3 eating apples or 1 Bramley
About 1 tablespoon of lemon juice or vinegar
About 1 tablespoon of brown sugar (the really dark muscovado stuff that is good to eat on its own) or 2 tablespoons of golden syrup
A large frying pan, the biggest you have
A saucepan, big enough to fit the cabbage in (go on, try it)
A chopping board with a knife
1) Assign Kings to each of the ingredients, using the system of your choice. I suggest either chronologically or by matching up attributes of the King to the ingredient in question.
In order for you to follow this, here is what I have chosen.
The cabbage will be played by King James the Sixth of Scotland since it is only half a cabbage, and King James also had a part time job as King James the 1st of England.
King Ethelred will take the part of the onion, which is of course not yet peeled and therefore unready.
The apple(s) will be played by King Richard I (Richard II and III as well if eating apples are used). The multiple instances of Richard is the important thing here.
Our Guest King this week is Tsar Nicholas II Alexandrovich of Russia, who was, among other things , in charge of Moscow and so suitable to be paired with Muscovado Sugar. This is due to the fact that Moscovite and Muscovado sound similar. These reasons don’t have to be anything more than vaguely tenuous.
King John was a *bad* King, or so my history books tell me (I had a ladybird book all about the Magna Carta – only the best in research for you lot) so he can represent the vinegar.
Frying Pan – Sandringham – large and flat
Saucepan – Buckingham Palace – in the middle of London so can’t take up as much room on the stove as Sandringham
Chopping Board and Knife – Windsor – The knife of course being that long road through the Great Park.
You may find it easier to follow this if you match up the pictures / post-its with the relevant ingredient.
2) Take King James from Buckingham Palace to Windsor and shred him
3) Ethelred should already have been near Windsor so take him there if not, then peel and chop him, assigning him seperate apartments to James so they don’t get offended at being made to share
4) Peel, core and slice the King Richard (s) at Windsor
5) Tsar Nicholas and King John decide to go swimming at Buckingham Palace so put a reasonable amount of water in the Palace, add Nicholas and John and turn the heat on so they don’t get cold. King James joins them. Bring to the boil and simmer until King James is nearly cooked. I have, in the past, used alternative accomodation at Versaille [*] in preference to Buckingham Palace.
6) Meanwhile, over at Sandringham, lightly fry King Ethelred in some oil/butter or whatever, then take the King(s) Richard to join him. Stew until King James is ready.
7) When King James is soft and chewable, drain Buckingham Palace. It is inevitable that parts of the Tsar and King John will be lost, but you may rest assured that they will have influenced King James in a very real and lasting manner.
8) Take King James (incorporating the essence of the Tsar and King John) to Sandringham to meet up with King Ethelred and the King(s) Richard. Stew for a while.
Feminists may use Queens if they prefer.
Is that all clear?
I may be persuaded to put the clear text version of this in the comments. Just ask nicely. Without the kings, it is really rather tasty and was a regular on the table at home when I was young.
[*] Versaille is, of course, the Microwave. They will doubtless prefer to paddle, rather than swim, at Versaille so you won’t need as much water